The Coyote Exchange

Easter weekend for me, based on years of childhood ritual in rising early, putting on my new Easter dress, shoes and bonnet, and going to church once again to witness the rising of the dead, is alive and well with me this Easter Sunday.

Though some of that ritual is gone from my current routine, thinking about rebirth and reinvention are still alive and well within me.  I call it ’soul’ thinking.

Yesterday I was compelled to pull out some of the best in my library around what I call ’soul’ work.  Some years ago, I was fortunate enough to be part of a pilot group for the introdution of Doctoral degrees at University of Phoenix.  Our first class was called Leadership:  The Inner Journey.  My Neptunian spirit, tempered by my Saturnian skepticism was eager to dive into the reading which included:  ‘Deep Change’ by Robert E. Quinn, and ‘The Stirring of Soul in the Workplace’ by Alan Briskin.  Some of the students were livid at the esoteric textbook selection, but I was thrilled.  I’d always thought that there was something better than ‘checking your soul at the door’ when you entered the workplace – a place I’ve hung out for now over four decades.  As Thomas Moore wrote in ‘Care of the Soul’, “It is impossible to define precisely what the soul is.  Definition is an intellectual enterprise anyway; the soul prefers to imagine.”  We know intuitively that soul has to do with genuineness and depth, as is music that has ’soul’ or a remarkable person we think of as ’soulful’.  Soulfulness can be seen simply by the senses, good food, great conversation, genuine friends, and experiences that stay in the memory and touch the heart.  Much like my experiences with my grandchilren.

But socially, we neglect and ignore ’soul’ – fearing that some might consider it part of the underworld, or worse yet the devil or Satan or whatever you consider ’shadow’.  My contention is that what the world needs now is indeed, love sweet love, but also a good healthy dose of soul!  “Fulfilling work, rewarding relationships, personal power, and relief from sorrow are all gifts of the soul.” (Moore).  Soul doesn’t pour into our life automatically, it requires our skill and attention.  For now, we can say that care of the soul requires a special crafting of life itself, with an artist’s sensitivity to the way things are done.

So for me, this Easter weekend will be spent thinking about those ‘mysteries’.  The mysteries surrounding reinvention, rebirth and rethinking soul.  Care of the soul in not solving the puzzle of  life; quite the opposite, it is an appreciation of the paradoxical mysteries that blend light and darkness into the grandeur of what human life and culture can be.  For me, it is represented in the Coyote – the paradoxical, mythical Native American figure, the name of my ’soulful’  greeting card line. 

Living soulfully is not the reflection of a perfectly crafted life, one of intellectual, serious undertaking, or a perfect display of self all the time – it is the awareness and the wisdom in reflecting on moments in our life that are dark and light -  periods of ‘grandeur’ and  ’foolishness’.  As Thomas Moore summarizes in his last chapter, “when in the midst of my confusion and my stumbling attempts to live a transparent life,  I am the fool, and not everyone around me, then I know I am discovering the power of the to make a life interesting.  Ultimately, care of the soul results in an individual ‘I’ – I never would have planned for or maybe even wanted.”

We know that soul is being cared for when our pleasures feel deeper than usual, when we can let go of the need to be free of complexity and confusion, and when compassion takes the place of distrust and fear.  We know we are well on the way toward soul when we feel attachement to the world and the people around us and when we live as much from the ‘heart’ as from the ‘head’. 

Happy ‘Soulful’ Easter!

Filed under: Uncategorized on April 4th, 2010 | No Comments »

I almost always include bits of the following lesson on purpose management when I speak to new hires – wanting to get them off to the right start with how to work in an environment that demands a lot – and is distracting at times.  I thought I’d share it again with you as we move into a New Year and new promises for ourself and our priorities!

 The best analogy for time management and how easy it can be- is to consider airline travel.  I do a lot of this – and if I’m not flying somewhere most people know I pick up the phone on the first couple of rings.  I often have two people on the line at one time – or I’m actually using two phones which must be annoying – and I vow not to do that this year by following my own advice here.

 Let’s say I’m flying to from Utah to Denver and I’m on my way out and somebody tries to stop me on my way out to my car to drive to the airport.  If somebody says, “You’ve got someone who’d like to talk to you for a minute, I say “Tell them I’m on my way out and I’ll call them when I get to Denver – I will call them later.”

 If someone else stops me at the door and says, “Could I ask you a question, I say, “No, I really can’t, I’m on my way to the airport, but I will talk to you when I get to Denver or on my return.  I’m looking forward to our conversation.”  Nothing stops me.  If I’m headed to my car and I’m going to the airport, nothing’s going to get in my way, and I don’t have any time management problems.  The reason I don’t is because I have a definite purpose!

 If I’m catching a plane and going to Denver today it was not hard at all to tell people no and everything fits into place.  I have no problems with procrastination, I have no time management problems, it was very easy.  If you could keep this in mind, it would eliminate some of your time management problems you have during the day.

 Because what really happens is this- people don’t have a central purpose, they don’t have anything really that they’re up to that excites them, so instead they just wake up and see ‘what other people want’ all day, and then they try to please those people.

 And when I live my life this way, the problem is that I’m saying ‘yes’ to everything.  People say, ‘can you do this, will you do that, I say’ Yeah – sure, I guess so, and I take every call and I answer every email and people pop their heads in and say ‘have you got a minute and I say ‘ Ok, yeah sure, why not?”

 By the end of the day, I look back and say, “Boy, I didn’t get anything done – I must need a new time management system.  Then I go to a class somewhere – get a few new one-liners and a computerized time management system -and it never works because I haven’t solved the central problem and the central problem is:  “I’m not up to anything.”

 There’s nothing that I wake up to do that has enough excitement in my life that has me easily saying, ‘no’.  So time management problems are really problems of boldness, a problem of purpose – a problem of selecting something that we are really up to that excites us and keeps us focused throughout the day.  If we did, imagine yourself saying to someone, “No, I won’t be able to do that today….but thanks for asking. Let’s schedule a time when we can do that – and agree to focus on that then.”

 This has a lot to do with my other favorite topic, managing agreements.  Time management is ‘classic’ – management agreement with yourself!  If you’re committed to something, you manage to make that happen, if you’re not – it gets managed out.  Making agreements with ourselves and others is very empowering, boosts self-esteem and self-respect.  It also garners respect from others.

 It is easy to say ‘no’ to something if you have said ‘yes’ to something else that is more important.  Think about this the next time someone tries to stop you in the office and you’re headed for your child’s dance recital, or your mother’s 70^th birthday party, or your significant other that you promised a night out starting with a movie and popcorn!

 So when we master time management, fearlessness is the solution!  Because when I fearlessly, ruthlessly, create my day and choose and select and decide what things I am going to focus on and get done today, then other people can find a way to use the rest of the time I have, based on whether I am ‘ok’ with letting them in.  Sometimes people think, ‘well, no one will like me if I am that way’- actually people like you more.

 One last thing – life is sometimes unpredictable and the ‘important thing of the day’ gets ousted for the person who needs you right now, right this minute.  If you decide to let that person into your ‘time management’ or purpose management system – then do that.  Do that one thing – give them every minute of your undivided attention.  Do not multi-task or otherwise question why you got nothing done today.  Know that you did the right thing, move on – and pick up your purpose management system from there.  Keep in mind, if you’re going to miss your plane doing it – it must have been important enough to fit it in.

 To a purposely wonderful New Year! 

Important Note:  As always I want to thank Steve Chandler: www.clubfearless.net

for his inspiring life lessons over the last dozen years!  Check him out for more of the same.

Filed under: Uncategorized on December 20th, 2009 | 1 Comment »

Yesterday I had the gift (and yes today it is a gift) of getting away to one of California’s prized possessions – Muir Woods, Stinson Beach and the beauty and splendor of the West Coast.

I participated in a day-long silent yoga retreat.  For those unfamiliar, it’s a small group gathered in a ‘yurt’ (slightly fancier and more stable than a tent) for the purposes of thoughtful meditation for mind movement, yoga that inspires body movement and walking meditation, that combines both.

That this happened during one of the worst ’storm’ days of the year was not lost on the 10 participants gathered.  Our silent retreat was anything but silent with pounding winds and rains swirling around the yurt – which brought the most incredible ‘white noise’ mother nature could muster.  When it stopped (for a few minutes) during the last hour of our day – we actually missed it.

So why bother to put yourself  ‘out there’ ? Yes, we got soaked in a downpour during our walking meditation!  Why take yourself away from the hussle and the bustle of December, Holiday shopping, crowded malls and the requisite baking around this time of year? Why attempt a day of silence, where literally no words are exchanged, not during practice, not during lunch.  Try it and find out.  The beauty of silence is that it enhances the ‘critical thinking’ of thinking about nothing.  You allow yourself the time to shut out all the messages of the world, the family, the critics, and your own self critic – if you’re any good at this!

During this special time of the year, when we transition from one year to the next – contemplate in silence, in a walk by yourself – the true beauty of the season – the love we share for others, with others, and of ourselves.

Filed under: Uncategorized on December 13th, 2009 | 1 Comment »

Rob Brezsny, one of my favorite authors and divine messengers asks, “Have you ever been loved so deeply and so much that you have become jaded about
the enormity of the grace it confers?”
Let me remind you: To be loved is a privilege and a prize equivalent to being
born. If you’re smart, you pause regularly to bask in the astonishing
knowledge that there are many people out there who care for you and want
you to thrive and hold you in their thoughts with fondness.

Animals, too: You have been the recipient of their boundless affection.
The spirits of allies who’ve left this world continue to send their tender
regards, as well. You are awash in torrents of love.

Children, too:  It’s one thing to have your grandchild love you because you’re family – it’s another thing to be loved because you’re his ‘best friend’.

As tremendous a gift it is to get love, giving love is an equal boon.  Many scientific studies demonstrate that whenever you bestow blessings on other people, you bless yourself.
Expressing practical compassion not only strengthens your immune system and bolsters your health, but also
promotes self-esteem, enhances longevity, and stimulates tranquility and even euphoria.

Blessings and Thanksgiving wishes you all and your ‘loved’ ones.

Filed under: Uncategorized on November 24th, 2009 | No Comments »

Today we received a gift that was very difficult for someone to ‘gift’ us.  It was a four year-old precious, sweet black lab, and picking her up from her current owners was ‘painful’.  Their unconditional love for this fabulous dog allowed them to part with their family – in order for Scott and I to ‘love her up’ for the rest of her years.  Giving such a precious gift can be challenging to the heartstrings - we have the beauty of having Sadie in our life – and the giver has peace of mind knowing it was ‘given with love’.  We don’t take this gift lightly – we will treasure her forever.

Filed under: Uncategorized on November 1st, 2009 | No Comments »

What a lifelong stratagem for defeat ‘attachment’ is. 

Detachment is essential on the path to inner fulfillment, but it has often been confused with abandonment. The general opinion is that we must renounce the things that give us worldly pleasure in order to experience detachment, but attachment is not the same as possessing. 

You can have possessions without being attached, just as you can live in a cave with nothing, and be attached all the same! Attachment is about letting go of need, of the fear of loss; ultimately, it’s about finding fulfillment within ourselves, so that we no longer depend on the things or people around us for satisfaction. When this happens, you can fully enjoy the things you have, but without the fear of losing them.

What are you attached to? We are all attached to something. It might be our children, our partners, our material possessions, our jobs. Or it might be to something more subtle; our image, our ideas, our beliefs and convictions. If you ever find yourself trying to hold a position, or defend an idea, you can be sure you are attached.  

When we feel we need to ‘control’ an environment, an experience, an event, a conversation, a relationship – we are attaching ourselves-defining ourselves by that controlling, attached thought or action. 

Simply becoming aware of what you are attached to is the first step towards letting go. When you are conscious of an attachment, you will be able to identify the need that is attached to it, and the fear that is activated every time your attachment is threatened in some way. 

We think the things around us are our source of happiness, but when we let go of attachment, we discover the boundless joy that lies within. What brings true freedom is detachment from the need to control-and the ability to say ‘I do not fear what I do not know.’ 

When detachment is challenging, go inward and allow yourself to feel the anxiety of fear. Take a deep breath and try to figure out what you are trying to control at that very moment…and say to yourself…’from this day forward, with discipline and grace, I will only attach myself to one thing…my breath’-and take a deep sigh (breath) of relief!

Filed under: Uncategorized on October 13th, 2009 | No Comments »

Steve Chandler, in almost all his books, addresses the question often asked by many, “There are things that seem to distract me from my goal – why can’t I stay focused on a goal?”

And his response is always the same, “It’s not a strong enough goal.  It’s not a commitment yet.  If you’re commited to something, you can achieve it.”

Next week, on September 22, Scott and I will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. In today’s terms, that’s a long time – that’s quite a commitment – and quite an achievement.  When I share my upcoming celebration with others – I often get ‘congratulations’ as a response.  It seems odd I’d be congratulated for living with one person for 30 years, but I get it.  Too many people give up on a good thing.  Because they’re not commited to it.  Scott and I made a pledge years ago, for better for worse, richer or poorer, you know the words….but we meant it.  And I know that this is the reason we celebrate next week.  Are we perfect, has everything in our lives happened according to plan – have we agreed on everything – have big and little things often sent us in different directions – you bet!  But when you’re committed to something – you find a way- it’s just that simple.  You can say ‘no’ to certain distractions, only if you’ve said ‘yes’ to something more important. You don’t let anything get in the way of your goal!  Try it – trust me – it works!  And I’ve got a lifelong vow to prove it!  Happy Anniversary Scott, I love you.

Filed under: Uncategorized on September 20th, 2009 | 2 Comments »

In The Craft of the Warrior, author Robert L. Spencer explores what it means to be a current-day warrior.  I loved this book, and I read a lot, but Spencer does a beautiful job of weaving all the terrific teachings of don Juan through Carlos Castaneda into his original thoughts.  The works of Castaneda form a cornerstone of the modern warrior myth.  To date, Castaneda has written eight books about his experiences over more than two decades with a Yaqui Indian warrior and teacher, don Juan. 

A key concept of don Juan’s teaching address a person’s path.  He states eloquently, “For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart.  There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse it’s full length.  And there I travel, looking, looking, breathlessly.”

Are you on a path with heart?  If we let our heart guide us would we have made the same decisions we made today?  Am I accumulating personal power, impeccability and the warrior way ‘with heart’?  I can be honest and say I’ve made many choices, particularly in my early days of management, where I followed a different path; self-absorption, self-promotion, greed, and otherwise ‘getting ahead’ in ways that were very successful, but perhaps  not always with heart. 

I’m taking up the challenge of ‘heart-making’ decisions (notice I didn’t say heart-breaking decisions) with awareness, responsibility, discipline, impeccability, and gratitude.  Part of being ‘grateful’ is detaching yourself from tasks and material goods that aren’t necessary to carry along the path with you.  They bog you down, weigh heavy on your heart, mind, body and spirit.  Having gratitude is learning how to say ‘no’, to anything -so that you can say ‘yes’ to the things that matter, the things that should hold a warrior’s attention.

In The Teachings of don Juan – Castaneda asks, “So will you teach me?”  “No”, replied don Juan.  “Why, is it because I am not an Indian?”  “No”, replied don Juan, it is because you don’t know your heart.”  What is important is that you know exactly why you want to involve yourself – in anything you pursue; work, relationships, projects, and particularly your purpose.

Filed under: Uncategorized on August 16th, 2009 | 1 Comment »

“”All who wander are not lost.” 

-J.R.R. Tolkien

It’s hard to wonder for some.  It’s harder to wander for some.

It’s hard to understand why bad things happen to good people.  Why we’ve lost our job, torn ligaments in our knees, lost our legs, didn’t get the job, didn’t get pregnant, you get it.

And it’s interesting to watch how people react to things that represent ‘despair or at least insecurity or loss’ – ‘ and watch how they react.  I can only ever speak from my experience, and I’ve had plenty of ‘wondering’ and subsequent ‘wandering’ opportunities in my life to reflect on.

Here’s all I know for certain, there are lessons in all of it, every bit of it, but we run to ‘fix’ it so fast sometimes that we don’t stop to investigate how we got there before we try to get ‘into’ something else.  One of my greeting cards states, “The first step on the way out is to see how we got there.” 

In The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts, he states, …”but tomorrow and plans for tomorrow can have no signficance at all unless you are in full contact with the reality of the present, since it is in the present and only in the present, that you live.” 

So is there wisdom in insecurity?  Is there really any reason to embrace a time of wandering, not sure of where you’re going, walking aimlessly on the beach or driving aimlessly without a map?  I think there is and I’m supported by Philip Wheelwright in Arts and Letters who artfully suggests;  

“The wisdom of insecurity is not a way of evasion, but a carrying on, however, without imagining that the burden of the world, or even the next moment, is ours…it is a philosophy of the present – always remembering that to be of the present, is to be, and candidly know ourselves to be, on the crest of a breaking wave.”

Filed under: Uncategorized on July 26th, 2009 | 1 Comment »

If you want to find more meaning in  your life – tune in to my ‘life coach’.

Filed under: Uncategorized on July 17th, 2009 | No Comments »